Even though I started out with this philosophy, the online dating forum seemed to be the avenue that was bringing in the most dates. Or lets be really honest, it was the ONLY place I was getting any dates from.
But then out of the blue came this date with DN…it came from a real life meeting…someone who actually met me in person, and after that still hit on to me, and after that still wanted to go on a date! Someone who…well, before I go any further, we need to start at beginning…
A couple of months ago (yes, you read that right…I know I’m slacking on the blogging), I was spending the weekend with one of my best friends…it was her birthday. First a big group of friends went out during the day wine tasting…all day…then the party was scheduled to end up at a bar later that night. By the time I had gotten to the bar, I had been drinking for a good solid 12 hours that day, but we knew it was going to be a long day, so we had been pacing ourselves pretty good. However, I would be lying to you if I didn’t say I was “feeling pretty good” by that time. We had taken the time in between the wine tasting adventure and the bar, to change clothes and spruce up. There were several people who were coming to this “bar portion” of the birthday festivities that had not been out with us all day, so I was trying to look presentable. The bar was called “South” – and their slogan was “Where true Sothern Style meets Southern California” Sounds just like me!
When we got to the bar, there were a few people gathered by the pool tables. The birthday girl introduced us to this group of people that were there for her b-day…you know when friend groups collide...college friends, meet my work friends…work friends, meet my college friends. Immediately there was this taller guy that I was drawn to, but he was with a really pretty girl. Gah, seems like everyone in LA is always taken! “Oh well,” I thought and went about by “bar” business. However everywhere I turned this guy was hanging out with me. I was at the pool tables, he was there. I went to get a drink at the bar, he was there. I hung out in the lounge area, he was there. Hmmm. Is this guy hitting on me? With his girlfriend there? Although that scenario wouldn’t surprise me in LA, the real situation finally became clear when DN’s lady friend seemed ready to go. He told me in front of her that she was his wing-woman. Shortly after he blurted out that he really liked me and would like to hang out sometime soon. Oh how the tables had turned! So we traded phone numbers and then he took off.
Before the night was over, I received a text from him saying how happy he was to meet me tonight. This was looking promising.
Over the following month, we would text several times back and forth and had several failed meetings including:
- Failed last minute weekday dinner due to indecision, living in different towns, and him getting of work much earlier than I
- Failed weekend plans – “not feeling up for it”
- And more “schedules just not meshing”
By this point I was starting to be over it…DN was the one always the one canceling or not feeling up for it. I know for a fact that my work schedule was much crazier than his (he literally has a M-F, 10-6 job – very different from me). I even texted him a month into this back and forth saying that I felt like the forces were against us. I think he got the hint because after that he was adamant to find a day that would work. So we finally committed to an upcoming weekday, and low and behold that day actually rolled around. On the date day, he texted me late afternoon to check and make sure we were still good for that night; I confirmed that we were. The next text he sent me was a bit more surprising…he said:
“would you be down to just like hang at your place or something. I’m feeling super broke”
Okay, for me there were MANY things wrong with this text. A – you can NOT come to me house on a first date, please don’t ask. I don’t know you and I think coming to my apartment is inappropriate for a first date. B – I do sympathize with your financial troubles, but maybe that is not the best thing to tell someone that you are trying to impress. And C – broke or rich, you have had a MONTH to think about this date and you have no ideas besides inviting yourself over to MY place???
Ughhh, I’m feeling really fed up at this point, but I politely text him back that my place was not an option (citing my roommate as a reason, although it really was much more than that). So he then texted me back, “what do you think for tonight then?” It was clear that he had no other ideas. Busy, and frustrated at work (and now this situation), I told him back “I’m sure there is some free stuff to do in this city.” It’s now past 6pm and I know he is off work. It’s a little thing called Google buddy – it can give you lots of ideas. He did not take my cue to come up with a plan, in fact, he didn’t respond back at all. So of course I took it upon myself to figure it out…I Googled “free dates in Los Angeles.” And as suspected, a million things popped up, and one in particular caught my eye – Griffith Park. It’s an observatory and outdoor park with beautiful LA views, and it’s FREE!
Perfect I thought, so I texted him the idea. He wrote back:
“Hmmm is it open/is there drinking there?”Again buddy, get online and help me out here! I happened to know that he is in the IT industry, so he can not claim that he doesn’t have a computer or not know how to work this internet thing. But instead I again text him back with the answers “open til 10, and you can byob, so we could bring drinks up there” I’m pretty much laying out this whole date for him. He has offered nothing – no suggestions, no ideas, no help. After coming up with a great suggestion and handing it to him on a silver platter, instead of being thankful, he then sends the following text:
“That doesn’t sound too bad. Do you have to pay to park?”I lost it. Are you freaking serious? “Doesn’t sound too bad?” Really? Did you have any other ideas? And “do you have to pay to park?” LOOK IT UP YOURSELF!!!!!!! SO finally I snapped back with a bit of a snarky response.
“No you don’t. Feel free to Google other options, I’m up for suggestions.”
He then responds “Actually that sounds pretty rad…8:30 maybe?” Well then…I’m glad I finally got on board. Anything else I can do for you? Oh yeah, that’s right, I’m gonna stop and get wine and snacks.
In his defense, he did offer to pick up the drinks, but I was beyond frustrated at this point and didn’t even want to talk about “what should we get” etc. So I just told him I would grab stuff.
So I quickly scurried off from work, stopped by the grocery store for a bottle of wine and some snacks. Then ran to my house, got a blanket and wine glasses. As I was driving up to Griffith Park, I tried to psych myself up. Clearly I was cranky from the flakiness and unhelpful nature of the lead-up to this date, but I was trying to let it go. I didn’t want to take my bitterness into the date as that would not make anything better.
As I pulled up, I saw DN sating there at the front of the observatory., which looked gorgeous all lit up at night
I parked and met him. He helped me grab the blanket and things I brought. We actually found a café a table with view of the city – it wasn’t very busy since it was set to close in about an hour. We cracked open the wine, and dove into conversation. We talked about how we got to LA, what we do, where we live, our future plans, etc. The conversation actually wasn’t too bad. I remember thinking at one point as we were chatting, “this is pretty easy.” Before we knew it, there were announcements being broadcast that park would close in 15 minutes. I suggested that we walk around the observatory to see the amazing views because I had never been there before.
So we did a circle around the building and it was so worth it! The views were AMAZING.
After the short walk, we headed towards the parking lot to take off. My car was closer so he hopped in and I drove him to his car. Sitting in my passenger seat, DN started telling me what a great time he had and how he would like to see me again, and then he leaned in and gave me a peck. It was sweet.
I left the date so torn. The hour that we spent together was fun – good conversation and he was a sweet guy, but I couldn’t get out of my mind the events leading up to the date. I started to reason that maybe it was because he was a year younger than me (because I normally go for older guys), but really would a year make all that much of a difference? The other thing that struck me during our conversation was his lack of ambition (which I think goes hand in hand with lack of date planning). I think I need someone that can go toe to toe with me. I move fast, and I need someone to keep up. I’m not sure DN is that guy.
The current dating score:
The internet – 0 for 8
Real Life – 0 for 1
Any other suggestions?
