The Dating Respite – this is not as easy as it looks

res·pite
[res-pit] noun, verb,-pit·ed, -pit·ing.

–noun
1. a delay or cessation for a time, esp. of anything distressing or trying; an interval of relief: to toil without respite.

2. temporary suspension of the execution of a person condemned to death; reprieve.


Okay, so my Dating Respite is probably closer to the first definition. I’m not trying to equate this process to an execution, but hey…it isn’t easy! I apologize for the delay in posting an entry for this blog, but I have to be honest – it is because there has been a delay in the actual dating. I feel I owe you all an explanation…

#1…There was my car…my lease was up, and I decided I wanted to buy my next vehicle, so for a month my weekends were consumed with car shopping, car research on the internet, car test driving, etc.

#2…Work has been kicking my butt recently. Just last week, I didn’t leave the office before 10pm any night, putting in over 12 hours of work every day. It exhausts you – when you come home the last thing you want to do is go online and “look for a date.” And yes, I know that part of the whole reason of doing this whole 50 dates thing was to push me out of the office earlier, but sometimes it can’t be helped.

#3…And probably the biggest factor…Internet Dating has been very disheartening lately. I think I might have been spoiled at the beginning with semi-normal guys responding to me, but it seems I have taken a turn for the worse. It’s unexplainable really…the things these guys say…their profiles… The only way I can articulate this is to show you some examples. Brace yourself…


The Cheesy E-mails:

hey sexy ;) Can i save your pictures to prove to all my friends that angels really do exist? ;-)
Edi

Really? How many times have you e-mailed girls that line? And has it ever once worked?


The “Older Man” e-mails:

Do you need a sugar daddy! You sound like a lot of fun? You willing to take a chance with me?

John

Ummmm No…I’m not on a sugar daddy site, I’m looking for a soulmate…or just a date my age! Not looking to be a modern day prostitute, thanks. Please refer to my posted age bracket – you are way out of it. Thanks, please do not come again.


The Weirdos:

4113n: Heya, toots. How do your feet smell?

OR

StrayMystique: hey you wanna go halfsies with me on a baby?

No comment…on either…


The Conversations Gone Bad
On many of these sites there is a “chat feature” similar to an Instant Messenger where you can chat back and forth in real time. 75% of the time, I don’t respond because it’s a creepy message (see above) or I’m just not interested. But some guys’ profiles seem normal, and I’ll respond back and then it goes horribly wrong…

Okay, so this first example…I probably shouldn’t have even responded to his first line, but I looked at his profile and he seemed nice and normal…so I figured maybe his first comment was an uncomfortable ice breaker. (moms and grandmas – you may want to skip this example)…

hereigoagain1: hot pics, can we say wood?

nicole: haha

hereigoagain1: ;)

nicole: thanks

hereigoagain1: seriously, I'm hard as a rock

hereigoagain1: lol

hereigoagain1: lol

hereigoagain1: I have a huge one, btw

nicole: good for you

hereigoagain1: how big is big to u?

hereigoagain1: ....

hereigoagain1: ??

nicole: sorry, not interested in talking about that

hereigoagain1: just curious

hereigoagain1: i can tell u my size

Really??? As you can see, I tried to ignore his messages, but he was relentless. Enough was enough, so I blocked his profile – which means he can’t email me or IM me.


The second conversation is creepy, scary, and sad all rolled into one…and a little much for me to deal with on a dating site…

Guy: hey Nicole how u doing

Nicole: great

Nicole: how are you?

Guy: doin ok I suppose, bad day for me right now

Guy: what are u doin up so late? My sister also lives in Franklin

Nicole: sorry its a bad day!

Nicole: oh, I'm a night owl

Nicole: need to make myself go to bed though - days keep getting earlier and earlier

Guy: cool, so am I...but sorry to do this to you, I have been a crying all night, tonight is the night my pappy (dad) commited suicide two years ago

Nicole: so sorry to hear that

Nicole: I'm sure it was devastating

Guy: yeah so fucked up

Nicole: hang in there

Guy: yes ma'am, I am huritn badly but not your issue

Nicole: I'll send some extra prayers your way

Guy: no need, just gonna drink a little more whiskey

Nicole: hope you are able to get a good nights sleep and start a new day tomorrow

Guy: thank u dear, top o the mornin when u rise

I did say some extra prayers for this man that night. And after re-reading this conversation, I pray that he is feeling better. So sad that an online dating site is the only place he felt he could turn, but I wasn’t quite ready to handle that one…


The “I wish I never gave you my phone number” Guys:
I will admit that I am not “overly” cautious when it comes to online dating. I don’t mind giving out my phone number to a guy after speaking to him online. I do take other precautions – like meeting in public places, not giving out my address etc. I feel I am careful, but not scared – I refuse to live my life scared, I would miss out on too much stuff.

Well, one night I was chatting with a guy online, and seemed normal enough. He asked me for my number so that we could talk. I agreed, but I also let him know that I’m not a big “phone talker” – I suggested that he text me or make plans to meet up for coffee or something. After I gave him my phone number, I felt he became very pushy. He asked if I was on Facebook, and I didn’t want to lie, so I said yes. He asked for my Facebook name so that he could add me (which is just my real name), and I gave it to him. He then hit me up 2 seconds later and said he couldn’t find me, so he wanted my e-mail address to search for me. Again, I was starting to feel pushed, but I obliged again. 2 seconds later he asked if I got his request. Geeze buddy, give it a rest! I told him I wasn’t logged on and that I would check later – hoping he would get the hint to back off. Then the conversation continued like this:

Benny5314: I am going to log off for a bit but would you mind if I called you

nicole: I'm more of a texter

nicole: not a long convo on the phone gal (I already told him this earlier prior to giving him my number)

Benny5314: how about a short conversation

Benny5314: I don't have unlimited texting

Benny5314: I will get it on my new phone plan in November

nicole: okay

Benny5314: I promise not to bore you or be boring

Benny5314: ok talk to you in a minute

nicole: Well, I’m not avail to talk right now

nicole: so its not a good time to call

Benny5314: ok then how about later

nicole_311: you can give it a shot - I have pending plans, so may not answer

Benny5314:ok no problem

Benny5314:That is what voicemail is for

Benny5314:lol

Benny5314:bye

Not but 15 minutes later, my phone rings – I don’t answer, but it this guy calling me. What part of “now is not a good time” did he not understand?! Then about a half hour later, he signs back online and hits me up again, and by this point I had it!

Benny5314: Hey Nicole do you have definite plans for this evening

nicole_311: Hey, I'm gonna be honest. I'm feeling pushed by you right now and its giving be a bad feeling

Benny5314: no I am not trying to push you at all

Benny5314: I was just curious

nicole: I do have tentative plans with friends tonight

nicole: but I have already said that

Benny5314: ok no problem

Benny5314: I will just wait to hear from you then

Benny5314: I had opera tickets thats all

nicole: sorry, I'm not trying to be rude

Benny5314: I will see if I can find someone who would like to go

Benny5314: not at all. I totally understand

nicole: like I said this online dating thing is weird, but please respect my boundaries

Benny5314: Of course I do

Benny5314: I don't want to make you uncomfortable

Benny5314: If I did I am sorry

nicole: well honestly I am right now. Apology accepted, but lets just chill for a bit and maybe talk on here again another day

Benny5314: ok no problem

Benny5314: bye

nicole_311: have a good one

Benny5314: you too

Later that night, he posted a status on his Facebook about meeting a girl, how happy he was, and hoping that it works out. Now granted, he may not have been talking about me. Maybe he found some amazing girl to go to the Opera with him, but my gut has a funny feeling. He came on way to strong, and did not take my clues to back it off a little. And part of me being “careful” with online dating is following my gut…so thanks to my gut, he is no longer a Facebook friend, and I doubt I will speak to him in the future.
And by the way, get a texting plan!


I have many more examples that I could continue on with, but I think you get the point. And if you are still asking yourself, “what is the point?”….it’s that ONLINE DATING IS EXHAUSTING! You have to wade through a lot of bad to get to any good. And yes, I know that dating in general is like this…gotta kiss a lot of frogs…but I would argue that online dating is even more difficult. The anonymity that the internet provides, and may even encourage, people to “go farther” than they would in person. People have no fear of consequences, so they say and do things that they may not do in person.


So, please accept my apology that I haven’t written about any wonderful dates, but I am trying. There have just been a lot of frogs lately…no one worthy of an actual date. I’m trying to psych myself up…get back on the saddle…and hopefully I will be on a new date very soon (I have an in-person prospect I met at a party with potential – hopefully I will be writing about him soon).

In the meantime, any advice you guys have on how I can get out of this rut would be much appreciated – maybe I should spruce up my profile? Any ideas outside of online dating that I could do?

Thanks for hanging in there with me :)