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Friday, March 19, 2010

Date #7 - The Jump with NT

One night late at work, I was burning the midnight oil and the TV was on in the background. One of those TLC “I shouldn’t have survived” specials was on and it was about a woman who had a skydiving accident and on top of that she was unaware that she was pregnant. She fractured her face, leg, and pelvis, and yet the baby survived. Crazy!

After I saw that special, I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to skydive. Yes, I may be the only person to watch a skydiving accident on TV and actually still want to jump out of a plane. But in all seriousness, skydiving is one of those things that I have always wanted to do. It’s on “my list.” And I started to think about this whole dating thing, and the reason I embarked on this 50 dates journey. As I mentioned before, it’s not necessarily to find Mr. Right, but more to nudge me to get out there and do new things. Well, this is new. And its something I have wanted to do. So this is the perfect example of what I should be pushing myself to do with a date. And besides, I don’t want my readers to get bored reading about me going on “50 dinners” – these dates need some spice, just like my life does!

Once I decided I wanted to go Skydiving with a DATE, the first person I contacted was BX (this was before we had our last and final date). As you may have already read, he respectfully declined citing his extreme fear of heights on his “get-out-of-date-free” card. On to my next victim. I decided to return to trusty ole Match.com. On your profile you can put a “headline” – something to grab someone’s attention as they are browsing through the sea of profiles. So I changed my headline to “Who wants to go skydiving – seriously this Saturday (and the date)” I got several responses. One guy started his e-mail by admitting that he didn’t think we were a good match, but that he would be willing to go skydiving with me anyways. No thanks. Then there was one guy who told me that he was terrified of skydiving, but would seriously consider it just to go out on a date with me. Flattering will get you everywhere with me…but after reading his profile, turns out we weren’t really a match.

Finally one e-mail caught my eye from a guy I’ll call NT. I went to check out his profile and the first words were “I’m a normal, stable person.” Hmmm – sounds good to me. I like stable. He also goes on to say that most of his family and friends would agree that he is “a bit odd.” Well, who isn’t odd, I reason to myself and throw caution to the wind. So I e-mail him back and say that I would love for him to join me. By this point it is already Friday, so I e-mail him my AIM screen name and phone number so that we can correspond quickly to make plans for the next day. He contacts me via AIM, and we have a good conversation back and forth. He seemed witty and fun, so I started to really get excited about the impending date. Later that day I call the place we agreed on and got the bad news that they were booked…and didn’t have an appointment available until next week! Arg. So much for being spontaneous. That night I look up a couple more places and decide to call our second choice, Lake Elsinore, in the morning. They were booked on Saturday, but they had openings on Sunday morning at 9:30 and 11. Since the place was a good hour and a half away from me, and I’m not good with mornings, I took the 11. I shared the good news NT and he was excited too. It worked out well for him because this new place was actually closer to where he lived. Since he was on my, we decided it would be best for me us to meet at his house and go from there. With the plans solidified, I started to get excited. Since we were now going on Sunday morning, I was trying to figure out how to work church into my weekend schedule. I could either go Saturday night or Sunday night. I opted for Saturday night – I figured going to church BEFORE I jumped out of a plane might be better – an extra prayer never hurts.

So Sunday morning rolls along and since we had agreed for me to meet at his house at 9:30, my alarm rang at 7:30. Ugh. After a couple of snoozes (okay, until about 8am), I finally hopped in the shower and proceeded to get ready. I left my house at 8:45am, A little later than I had hoped, but I was on the road. It took me about 45 minutes to get to his house, so I pulled up right on time. I called him from downstairs and he was giving me instructions to park, but I told him I didn’t mind driving seeing how I was already in my car and ready. I sat outside his condo in my car and did a last minute mirror check, but before I knew it he was standing at the passenger door and busted me in mid-primp. Eeeks. I quickly shut the mirror and let him in. We hugged from inside the car and then started our journey. We made a quick pit stop at Starbucks for coffee – for him, not me – and then we were really on our way.

In case you were wondering, I would not recommend meeting someone for the first time and then sitting in a car with them for 45 minutes. Its probably gonna be awkward. But we managed to stumble our way through. Where are you from? TX. What do you do? Marking director for an Industrial Plumbing company (at least he is not an actor). Etc. Etc. We talked about skydiving – he had actually been once before a few years back in Texas. He told me about the experience and he was really excited to be going again.

We pull up to the Skydiving place early, and my excitement is really starting to bubble up. We head in and start to fill out al the paperwork, watch the “you could die doing this” video, and then the shocker – we have to weigh-in. What? Get on a scale on the first date? Jumping out of a plane sounded less scary than that. This was either some unusual form torture or a way for them to weed out the chickens. Well, I’m no chicken! And luckily for me, they have a little private area with the scale and my date stayed in the waiting room. Phew – dodged that bullet.

The final thing I had to decide was whether or not I wanted to pay extra for the photo and video package. I was torn, because well…I’m cheap. I texted my best friend Brooke and asked her what she thought – made sense to ask a photographer for advice :) She pretty much told me that if I didn’t get the photo package that she would beat me up. So I did what she said. Because that’s what friends do.
Plus the thought of my faithful blog readers crying at night because I did not have photos or video to show them was just too much for me to bear. So I forked over the dough.

We were done with all this before 11, before our scheduled appointment time. They gave us name tags, a little slip of paper and told us to head over to the area where they prep you. We did as we were told and about 15 minutes later we had a little “class” with a couple of other people. They took us to a mock airplane door. They told us to kneel with one knee down, hold onto your harness, keep your neck back, and arch your back when you jump. They made each of us practice once with our instructor barely watching us. Was that all the instruction we would get? A 2 minute speech and one measly practice. I wanted more information. Oh well, the “instructor” was already gone. So if I wasn’t going to get more info, I might as well document it. I asked NT to take a picture of me at the practice site. He pretty much thought I was a dork, but did it anyways.


They told us to sit tight and wait for our names to be called in the waiting area – which was a very eclectic covered outdoor hangout with picnic tables.



It was packed and there were no tables open, so we found a spot nearby in the sun where we could watch the divers landing in the drop zone. There were a couple of big boulders that we plopped down on. This was our view.



We continued our small talk, but the conversation was stalling. Not only had we already had 45 minutes of conversation in the car, but now my mind was not fully focused on making conversation, it was focused on the fact that I was about to jump out of a plane.
30 minutes go by, and my excitement is turning to anxiousness. I just want my name to be called already! As he sits quietly, I’m pretty much bouncing off the walls – up and down from the rock, pacing, and fidgeting. I try to kill some time by taking photos. Smile NT:



I’m being goofy and I am a ball of energy at the moment, so I tell him to take a picture of me practicing my skydive. He is less than enthused, but obliges:



He doesn’t laugh. He either doesn’t find me funny or is nervous himself. I continually ask him how he is feeling – you nervous? You excited? Not really. He is just even keel, but he comments that he thinks my anxiousness is funny.

Another 30 minutes go by…so now an hour since our “lesson.” To say that I was restless might be the biggest understatement of the year. I’m continuing the small talk, but it is definitely a struggle.

Methodically about every 15 minutes they call for a group of skydivers and load up a plane. Every time they would call names out, I would freeze in my tracks, hoping it would be my name. But nothing. 2 planes are rotating, and skydivers just keep falling out of the sky.



I want to be that person in the parachute. When will they call my name???? Another 30 minutes go by. Now we have been waiting for an hour and a half.

I’m now starting to get really hungry and thirsty, but I’m afraid to partake in either. I don’t want to throw-up or have to pee, and we never know when they may call our names. For a person that likes to be in control of things, this place is horrible. Barely any instruction, no information, no timeline…we were definitely on a need to know basis, and that place felt they didn’t need to tell us anything!

Another 30 minutes. 2 hours have now passed since we started waiting.

“Nicole and NT”

Our names are FINALLY called. I jumped up so fast and I think I ran to the lady who called our names. They take us in a room to get suited up. At last I felt like we were making some progress! After we are all geared up, I ask NT to take another picture.



“You do know that you are getting the video and photo package, right?” he asks after he takes my photo. “Of course…but I’m excited” I replied.

After we were suited up – my instructor/tandem partner came over and introduced himself to me. He asked if I wanted to pull the rip cord, and of course I said yes. So he got me an altimeter to where on my wrist so I could monitor with him how high we were. I also tell him that I’m adventurous and he could do whatever “tricks” he wanted to (little did I know that I would soon regret my bravery). My videographer came over and introduced himself. He said we would shoot a little into to the video (I knew it would be cheesy, and boy did I deliver). My date was standing about 100 feet away from me during the video intro. After I was done, I walked back to meet him, and then it happened. We were standing there awkwardly and he said “I just have to do this in case we don’t make it down” and he leaned in and kissed me. It was very awkward – the line, the kiss, the eternity of silence afterwards. It must have been about 15 seconds after the kiss that I finally gave him an awkward smile back, but I didn’t really no what to say. It felt like it should have been a sweet, romantic moment, but it just wasn’t. I don’t know exactly why – I really wanted it to be, but it wasn’t.

After the kiss, our instructors told us it was time to go. Things moved pretty quickly after that. My instructor and I did one more “practice” out of a mock airplane door – but really I think it was just for the camera video taping us (more cheesiness). The plane pulled up and we all piled in. It was tight. There were 4 tandem jumpers (so 4 instructors with each), and then 4 solo skydivers. They told us we would get up to about 12,500 feet and then they would open the door. I was looking out the window and getting really excited. Butterflies were in my stomach. It was finally happening! I felt like we were getting really high, so I look down at my altimeter to see how high up we were.

It read at 2. Meaning we were only 2,000 feet up in the air.

What?! I figured we were nearly there, but we still had 10 THOUSAND more feet to go. It was at this point I realized that 12,500 feet was really freaking high, and that this was probably the stupidest idea that I have ever had to date. What was I doing? As I started to panic, I would attempt to mentally calm myself down, but then would just start to panic again. My rational brain took over and was beating up the impulsive side of my brain. “You are gonna get us killed” it screamed! Before I knew it, my instructor started hooking me up to him. He double and triple checked the connections, and then I told him to do it again. He was the one with the parachute, not me, so those connections to him where all I had. The door started to open, and I looked down at the earth that was miles away from me. The second the door was fully up, the solo skydivers jumped out of the plane one after another – I felt like I was in the middle of a bombing they were going so quick. Then my date NT stepped up, and he and his instructor did a back flip out of the plane. My instructor got me in position at the door. I couldn’t look down…I thought I was going to be sick…I couldn’t even think. And then the next thing I knew he said 1, 2, 3, and we jumped out of the plane. I started screaming instinctively and I had my eyes closed. The instructor taps my hands several times to let me know that I can let go of my harness and extend my arms, but I was paralyzed in fear. He taps them a few more times, and then finally I tell myself – open your eyes – enjoy this. Its only gonna last for 60 seconds. So I look around and see the camera guy in front of me. Oh My Gosh – I’m skydiving! I look down at the ground – we are freaking HIGH! The wind is blowing at my face sooo fast (probably because we are falling at 120 mph towards the ground). About 30 seconds into it, I think I realized that I hadn’t breathed since I jumped. I take a quick gasp of air in. Oh My Gosh – I’m skydiving! My instructor leads us in a quick spin – this must be the “tricks” I asked for. At that moment, I think that I may actually puke. But then I realize I didn’t ask what would happen if I puked. Would it spray back on my face? Oh well, guess it doesn’t matter now, because we have now officially left my stomach back a few hundred feet up – guess I can’t throw up without that. Oh My Gosh – I’m skydiving! When I first heard that the freefall would be about 60 seconds, that sound so short – just 1 minute? But when I was up there it felt like an eternity. My thoughts were coming in and out of my head so fast that I think I could have solved all of our world’s problems in that short skydive.

Next thing I know, my instructor motions for me that it is time to pull the cord. He guides my hand back and we let it rip. I’m yanked back up into the sky so fast and my legs fly up like a rag doll. The harness is so tight and uncomfortable now, but I look up at the parachute and it is open. Phew. I think we are good. My instructor tells me that he is going to loosen the connections so that it is a more comfortable ride down. He starts to loosen the ones by my thighs and I feel my body fall away from his.

WOOOAAAA WOOOAAA!! I scream. Don’t loosen it too much! These connections are all I got! He laughs and tells me its fine. We have about 5 minutes to coast down now. My instructor teaches me how to turn right, left and brake – he lets me navigate a bit. Then he takes the reigns back and does some tricks – some pretty crazy spins. I think I’m going to vomit again. Oh wait, I still never retrieved my stomach from before – I think I left it at 10,00 feet – guess I’m okay.

As we are approaching the ground, he tells me to lift my legs up for the landing. He brings us in and lands perfectly sanding up (I was happy to no have to do the sit-down landing). He unhooks me and seriously I’m in shock. Did I really just skydive? Am I really on the ground? Is this camera guy talking to me?

I was seriously shaking and had some much adrenaline pumping. NT had landed first and so I ran up to him and gave him a hug. We were laughing like school children – we just jumped out of a plane! How crazy!

So I’m sure you are all on the edge of your seats to see this video now. But I have some warnings. First of all – I’m a dork. No seriously, it’s SO bad that I almost did NOT post it, but I knew you all would never forgive me if I didn’t share it. The beginning of the video is the worst. But in my defense, I had now been on a blind date for 3 ½ hours, and I had been waiting patiently with nothing to do for 2 hours. I was going a little stir crazy and it showed. So please, go easy on me. Without further ado, here is the dorkiest skydiving video you will ever see:




Okay, stop laughing.

No seriously, stop laughing.

Are you still here? Please don’t run away. I hope you come back to this blog again. But if I never see you again…I understand.

So after my dorky jump, NT and I are hopped up on adrenaline. We even take this dorky picture.



Oh My Gosh – we just jumped out of a plane!

So we finish up our business – get our free t-shirt, I get my disk of photos, and we get our coupon to come back again. We load back up into my car and we start the drive back to his place. This is where the date started to really deflate. By this time we had already been with each other for 5 hours, we jumped out of a plane together, and quite frankly I was out of things to talk about on a first date. I still continue to try and ask some conversation starter questions, but honestly we had several long silent lulls – only broken up with me playfully saying “Man, what can you say after you have jumped out of a plane?!” He agreed – there was nothing to say.

As we are getting closer to his neck of the woods he asks me if I want to get a quick bite to eat and a beer. I hesitated. I was already out of conversation topics, but on the other hand, I was starved – I had not eaten ALL day (because of the whole skydiving ordeal). I was either going to drop him off and get fast food, or agree and get a bite to eat with him. I caved and said yes. The beer sounded good. I needed to take the edge off of this adrenaline! So we went to a bar near his house and ordered chili cheeseburgers and beers. It was extremely yummy. We were both very quiet during the lunch and used “watching the Olympics” as an excuse for our silence. Did I really care about the Biathlon or was I happy to just have an activity to hang out hats on?

After our quick meal and beer, we called it a day. I took him back to his condo and dropped him off outside. I gave him a hug and he then turned to get out of the car. However before he got out, he stopped in his tracks, turned back towards me, mumbled something, and I as I was trying to decipher what he said, he leaned in and pop kissed me again (do people still say pop kiss of is that reserved for middle school?). I later came to the conclusion that he said “I’m gonna take a leap here.” “Leap” must equal kiss.

Again, it was sweet. And should have been more romantic than it was, but it just….wasn’t.

I can’t explain it except that there were just no sparks. Even with sharing an experience as intense as skydiving with him, I didn’t feel connected to him. In hindsight, it might have been a better date if we were able to shorten the amount of downtime that we had to spend together. But then I think to myself – If this was the right person for me, we would have had plenty to talk about (maybe that is the idealist in me again).

So to sum it all up.

Skydiving was CRAZY – I’m so glad I did it. And although I may not become a professional skydiver, I would do it again. Even though watching that video makes me have butterflies all over again.

NT was sweet – a little quiet, a little on the dorky side (which is okay), but just no connection for me. After I got home, he hit me up on AIM and asked if the photos were any good – I sent him the photo of us in the plane and he appreciated it. We haven’t talked since, but the next time I see him online, maybe I will send him the link to the video – after all, I’m sure he would love to see himself do a back flip, and get the chance to laugh at me being a dork.


To see all the photos from the day, click this link

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

BX follow-up

For all of you following the BX dates, and to answer all your advice and questions, here is an UPDATE...

First, the subject of the BOOK:
Since many of you asked about the book he bought on our last date, I have to come clean and admit....I don't exactly remember what he got. Once in the bookstore, we actually went our separate ways (yes, it was awkward). He bought a book that was 2nd in a series in which he had already read the first. It was a series about an ex-CIA agent, but I did not recognize the name of the book or author, and really can not remember the details now. Sorry!

As far as everyone's advice goes, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for giving me insight and thanks for even caring about this crazy journey I'm on :)

I asked the question if 4 dates was enough for BX, and my very wise friends and family quickly answered back that it isn't about a certain number. Many astute readers also pointed out that they read my tone, or read between the lines, and they felt that there just wasn't a connection. You guys are very intuitive.

I thought long and hard about BX and realized it is the end of the road for us. No, it wasn't that it was 4 dates. And no, it wasn't one specific thing. But it was just a culmination of little things, and a feeling in my gut that it wasn't right.

Yes, I wanted him to walk me to the door.

And yes, I wish he hadn't left me at the party.

And yes, I wish he would have waited to have dinner with me instead of eating on his own.

And yes, I wish he would of been open to actually discussing which movie to watch.

And yes, I wish that once, just once, he would have turned to me and asked me a genuine question about myself - "What do YOU want to do?" "How was YOUR day?" "Tell me what YOU would like to eat."

I hope that doesn't sound selfish on my part. But the more I evaluated the dates with BX, the more I realized how one-sided they felt. It was always about what he needed, he wanted, or he felt like doing.

In relationships, I think that I tend to be very agreeable - sometimes to a fault. I have to make sure not to lose myself or my identity in my effort to put my best foot forward. Its okay for me to like red wine, or want to see Up In The Air, or want to go skydiving. And no, my partner doesn't always have to agree or enjoy everything I do, but I hope that he would want to comprise sometimes and try to experience the things that I suggest.

So on to the next one. And speaking of skydiving, that date is up next :)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Date #5 and #6 – (BX’s 3rd and 4th dates) – “I love the 80s”

Remember BX…the actor/business guy…the wine date guy…the 80’s party guy…the left me at the party to go get ice guy…yeah, that guy.

The week after the 80’s party, BX texted me to see if I could do drinks the next weekend. I couldn’t due to prior plans, so a couple of days later on a Tuesday afternoon, he called me to see if I wanted to get together after work for dinner. I let him know that I would get off sometime around 7:30 or 8, so we could meet up after that. At 5:30 he sent me a picture of food he was cooking – hmmm. Not really close to 7:30 or 8, but okay, maybe it was a meal that took a long time to cook. I confirmed with him around 7 that I was still good to meet him around 8, and then when I called him as I was leaving the office he told me that he had already eaten. Guess that’s why I got the picture at 5:30. He suggested we meet at Dragon Street restaurant so that I could have a bite to eat. I agreed and headed that way.



It was a small place in our neighborhood. As I walked in he was standing near a booth on his cell phone. I waved and he smiled back. Since he was on the phone, I took a seat in the booth, and then he sat down and continued his call. He was talking to a friend about some hack from their hometown who had been on the news for another movie production/investment gone bad. I listened for a while, and then finally he said “well, I better go, my date is here.” Gee thanks. He got of then phone and then recounted the whole drama for me.

During this time I ordered a beer, cream cheese wonton appetizers and a small soup. BX already had ordered a beer before I had gotten there and since he ate earlier, it was just me ordering. When the food came, BX caved and had some cream cheese wontons with me – they were pretty yummy. After some conversation and quick food, we asked for the bill. I insisted on paying since all he had was a beer, and I was the one eating. He conceded and simply thanked me. (wow, no bill drama…now that was the response I was looking for).

He then asked if I wanted to go to the bar next door, Skinny’s Lounge, for one more drink. I agreed and we walked across the street. On the way there he was telling me how cool this place was, how he goes there all the time, and how they have an 80’s night where a cover band plays.
We walk in and the bar is very cool looking – candle-lit, rock walls, modern wood grain bar, simple black bar stools and a dance floor.



And the bar looked just like the pictures above because NO ONE was in there…besides the bartender who was perched near the cash register. BX “knew” the bartender and introduced me. I get the feeling that BX “knows” a lot of people – he’s a very social guy, smooth talker. He asks about the 80’s band, and the bartender says they haven’t played there in over a year – guess BX doesn’t go there as often as he says. BX laments that this band is no longer playing, and so I tell him about an 80’s band that plays every weekend in Burbank. He is now excited.

Since the bartender is the only guy there, the 3 of us chitchat about music and have a few drinks. The bartender was from TN and we start discussing a lot of different topics. I notice that I’m more interested in what he is saying. Oh no, are you flirting with the bartender while you are on a date right now??!! Not classy Nicole!

I try to focus back on BX. He tells me that he has a “friend’s” band is playing this weekend and I should come out. I tell him that I can’t because I’m going home to TN. After a while, we decide to wrap it up. We share a hug outside of the bar, and go our separate ways.


------------BX's 4th date---------


The next day I realized that I wasn’t actually going to TN that weekend, it was the next weekend. I guess it was wishful thinking on my part. So I decided to text BX that in case he wanted to do something. He responded that he did want to get together and suggested Friday. About this time I started to get the bug that I wanted to go skydiving, so I figured I would ask BX – why not, right?

He didn’t respond to my text, but instead called me.

“Skydiving?” he asked. “Yeah, its always something I wanted to do, so I just I have to take the plunge…literally.” In the nicest way, BX pretty much told me “no way, Jose.” He said he was afraid of heights, and pretty much begged me to do anything else with him, but he just couldn’t go skydiving with me. “Awww come on!” I protested but to no avail. Back to the drawing board on the skydiving mission.

So Friday rolls around, and he texts me out of the blue...”Werewolf!” I rack my brain – what could he be talking about? Oh, It dawns on me that it must his friend’s band he had mentioned. So I respond “Is that the name of the band?” He texts me back “Lol. The new movie” “Ohhh” I respond embarrassed. He teases me more by texting “I knew you were quick on the uptake.” So I text him back “Last time I checked, I wasn’t a mindreader ☺”

What a lame response – what am I a 10 year old? Gah!

He calls me few hours later and says he wants to see a movie in Burbank and he also wants to go to a bookstore. I say okay, and we make arrangements for him to pick me up around nine. I get home from work around 8 and decide to look up some movie options. It is then I finally make the “Werewolf” connection – he was talking about “The Wolfman” – who’s the douche that is slow on the uptake now! Ha!

I watch several trailers, including Wolfman, and I really wasn’t that intrigued in much. I kind of wanted to see “Up in the Air” though. I quickly spruce up and immediately notice a big zit on the left side of my chin. Fabulous. I thought dating with acne stopped after high school? Where are my privileges for waiting until I was older to date?! Arg! And yes, I of course spend the date trying to make sure to stay on his left side so he doesn’t have to stare at the red growth on my face – gah! He arrives at 9 to pick me and my zit up.

In the car we discuss the plan for once we get to Burbank and specifically the movie choice. I admit to him that I’m not that really in the mood for “The Wolfman” that night and he asks what else was there to see. I said not much but that I had been wanting to see “Up in the Air.” He pretty much shuts that down saying that he doesn’t like to see dramas in the theatre, he saves those for DVD rentals. Great, we already can’t agree on a movie. He then suggests that maybe we blow off the movie and just get a drink. Sure, I agree and suggest that there is Burbank Bar and Grill that we could go to. “In fact” I say “Its Friday, right? They have the 80’s cover band playing tonight.” About as soon as the words fell out of mouth, I regretted them. He of course jumped all over that and was like “we have to go! Now I’m super excited!” It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see them, I just had mentally prepared myself for a quiet movie night, and I knew the bar would be busy and that this would not be a low-key night at all now.

So we park in Burbank, and BX mentions again that he wants to go to a bookstore before the bar. “Why the bookstore” I finally ask. “Because I need a new book” he says, as if that was a silly question. He continues to tell me that he has an acting gig on Sunday so he needs a book for his down time. Oh yes, the acting thing. Well, at least he can read – that is a big plus.
After BX picks out a book from the bookstore, we head to Burbank Bar and Grill. Busy was an understatement for this bar on that Friday night – it was PACKED – barely standing room, and the band wasn’t due on for another 30-45 minutes. We post up near the bar, and BX orders us some drinks. After that BX turns on his smooth talking and starts trying to get us seats at the bar – he tells the patrons sitting there that when they are ready to leave, he will buy their last round if they give us their seats. I was impressed with his ingenuity and forwardness – however I’m starting to wrestle with the fact that he is borderline used car salesman cheesy for me.
We approach the hostess about getting a table, but they are of course packed (and really unorganized too) – she says she will work on getting us one. After about 30 minutes of standing around, the band is starting to warm-up. I notice that when people are getting up from tables, other people are just nabbing them – so what is the hostess for? I go in and check with her again, and she is still working on it. Finally a little while later, I see a table getting up and we are able to slyly nab it. In an attempt to “do the right thing” I still go up to the hostess and let her know about this table and make sure we can take it – she agrees since we have been waiting so long. Phew. Once we sit, we ordered some appetizers and more drinks. I was happy to get out of the crowd and have a place to sit.


*pic of the lead singer and a packed crowd at BBG - photo from their website since they play there every weekend.

The band went on, and they were really good and entertaining, but I still find myself checking the time and feeling ready to go. Is it just that I’m not in the mood for a wild night or is it BX? A little after midnight we call it a night. And BX drives me back home. We say hug goodbye in the car, and I walk up to my door.

So here I am, and I feel like I’m at a crossroads with BX. 4 dates. Is that enough to know if you like someone? My mom tells me that sometimes I don’t give people enough chances, and my friends often worry that I have a fairytale in my head of instant romance. So I am purposely going on multiple dates with guys even if there aren’t fireworks on the first date – I’m giving the chance for those fireworks to be lit. But here I am at the end of date 4 with BX, and nothing. I don’t have the urge to be anything but friends.

I don’t get butterflies when he texts me, or before I’m about to see him.

I don’t feel the urge to grab his hand when we were walking side by side.

I don’t have a secret hope that he will kiss me at the end of the night.

Nothing


Does this mean I don’t like him for more than just a friend? Did I give it a fair enough shot and is it time to move on? I feel like its just not happening – am I wasting my time if I go on more dates with him?

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Date #4 – A.S.’ second date – “The Situation”

You may recall A.S. – the one with the awkward road goodbye, and the one that then rescinded the whole conversation via text the next day…yeah, that guy. Friday rolled around, and he texted me again, saying that now his Friday had opened back up and wanted to know if we could meet up. Make up your mind buddy. But alas I was not available on Friday anymore, so I told him we’d have to pick another day. We texted several more times at the beginning of the following week, and finally landed on picking Wednesday to get together. He asked me if I had seen the movie “An Education” or if I cared to. I responded that I hadn’t seen it, but was open to go see that movie. He then texted me back the following:

“Very Cool! You mind if it’s a screener? That means DVD at one of our establishments. I’m good to host or visit if its comfortable with you.”

Decision time. It’s only a second date and he is trying to get me to go to his apartment or come to mine. My gut tells me this is weird and too early to suggest this. However he did ask in a non-threatening way…although what guy with inappropriate intentions would ask in a threatening way? I paused for a few moments before responding, internally debating myself. I go against my better judgment and tell him that it is fine. When he asks which place I would prefer, I immediately say his place. I felt I could be more in control of that situation – I could leave when I wanted to if it got uncomfortable, and that way he wouldn’t know where I lived. All pluses.

He asked if I wanted to do dinner, drinks, or both before or after the movie. Gosh, a lot of decisions to be made. Being agreeable, I said dinner would be fine, and that turned out to be the best decision I made.

Wednesday rolled around and he suggested a Thai place that was close to us both. As I was getting ready to leave work, I texted him that I was on my way. Shortly after I arrived to the restaurant, Original Thai, and realized that I had beaten him there. I grabbed a booth/table that was against the wall and facing the door so I could easily see him come in.



As I waited I ordered a beer and thumbed through the menu. About 5 minutes later he walked through the door. I got up from my seat to give him a hug. “Oh…okay” he said as he awkwardly hugged me back. I guess he’s not a big hugger. He chose the seat next to me on the booth instead of sitting across from me. I liked that.

The waitress came up and asked what he would like to drink and he ordered a hot tea. Hot tea? Red Flag. Not that I have anything against tea, but it just seemed like an odd choice. And as you may remember on the last date even though he was the one that suggested meeting at the bar, he didn’t drink because he had “auditions” the next day. And now on date #2, he sees that I’m drinking a beer and yet he orders a hot tea? Does he not drink? Not that I’m looking for someone who has to drink to have a good time, but I’ll be the first to admit that I’m an advocate of having a cocktail on a date – it takes the edge off from the awkwardness. I’m not suggesting that we get hammered or anything, but let’s just say I think he could have used a cocktail.

Moving on, time to make our entrée choices. I ordered a soup and a noodle dish – Pad See Ew. He ordered a soup and some chicken and vegetable main dish. As we waited for our food, I would rate the conversation to be a 4 out of 10. It was dragging a bit and I was struggling to keep it going. I asked him about his week, and if he had anything interesting going on. He started to talk about a digital short that he was working on for his YouTube channel – some sort of a political satire short. I was very supportive, asking him questions, and even told him I would love to see it when it was done. “Oh, I don’t know – it’s not that good. I messed up on the shoot and the first part of the audio is bad.” Um, okay. He was clearly insure about it. And at the risk of sounding mean – I really didn’t care about seeing the video one way or another – I was just trying to be supportive, interested, and polite. So if he didn’t want to share with me, that’s fine.

The food comes, we struggle through some more conversation, and I find myself making excuses for the lulls. “Sorry I’m more quiet, I’m just so tired” I tried to justify to him. I planted the seed that I may not be able to watch a movie afterwards - depending on the time. Finally we get to a point where we are done with our meals. The waitress asks if we need boxes and we both say yes. I then found myself chuckling inside thinking of the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” and the quote about taking home leftovers:

“Random Guy: A girl will never sleep with you if she calls you "cuddly" or "dependable", if she pops a zit in front of you, if her name is Amber or Christine, if she takes a dump in your bathroom, or if she takes leftovers on dates one, two, or three. I know it's not scientific, but I'm just saying, you were warned.”

Haha. I guess this is not looking good for A.S.

After our food was boxed, the waitress comes back to the table with the bill and fortune cooks. And this is where it all went downhill.

First let me share my philosophy on “who pays” for dates. I don’t think the burden should have to solely fall on the man to pay for everything, so I always offer to a least pay half (or “go dutch” if you will). If a guy prefers to pay, of course that is fine with me. If a guy allows me to pay some or all, I’m good with that too. So when the bill was dropped off, I did the natural “grab your wallet” sign that you do to indicate that I was offering. This seems like a pretty universal signal to me – I do it at business lunches, friend dinners, and dates – grabbing your wallet says “hey, I’m willing to take care of the bill, or at least some portion.” So after grabbing my wallet, he didn’t immediately say anything. He put down his card. So then I deliberately and slowly take out my card, making sure he saw me pulling out my card…pause, eye contact made…still he said nothing. Okay, I took this lack of comment as he was good with me putting my card down too, and just didn’t want to make a big deal about it. Dutch…sounds good…fine with me. After I set my card down, we start to open of fortune cookies, but A.S. pauses and then gives me a very weird look. He finally speaks:

“Uh, this is uncomfortable.”

Confused, I look around trying to figure out what he is talking about. I notice that he is now staring at the bill with our two cards on it. So I respond.

“Oh.” relived that it wasn’t something bigger, I continued “I just wanted to offer to pay some, but if you are not comfortable with that, it’s fine. Whatever you prefer is good with me.”

He is now getting more visibly uncomfortable by the minute. He rubs his head and then very flustered he puts his hand up by his face.


*Not A.S., just an example

With his hands still near his face, he slightly moves them back and forth as he begins to speak.

“I’m just not good in these situations.” He frustratingly blurts out.

I’m thinking situation? What situation? The bill?

“Well” I responded, “It’s really no big deal to me either way, whatever makes you comfortable. Dating is a two-way street, so I just wanted to offer, not make you uncomfortable.”

He awkwardly continues to dodge looking at me, and just appears super distressed, shifting in his seat.

The waitress comes back, looks at the bill and asks if it is ready. I pause for a moment to see what he would say, waiting for him to make a decision that would hopefully make him more comfortable. But he seemed to remain in his personal spiral not saying a word, so I spoke up and just told the waitress to put half on each card.

I open up my fortune and read the words “Accept the next proposition you hear.” I decide not to share this with him – not sure what he might say.

The waitress comes back with the credit card receipts, and A.S. said, “at least let me leave the tip.” Of course I agreed.

Now I want to be clear about how this “situation” made me feel. I didn’t care either way who paid, whether we split it, or whatever. Again, I think it is the polite thing to do to at least offer, and that is what I thought I was doing. What I didn’t like was how he reacted. After I put my card down on the bill he could have said a million other things that would have been okay…
- he could have just simply said “thanks” and let us split it.
- he could of insisted to pay (if that is how he felt)
- he could have said nothing if he was that uncomfortable and just let the waitress take it.
He basically could have done anything except react in the way he did. He freaked out. He made the “situation” a big deal, when it didn’t have to be a big deal.

And again, it wasn’t about the bill or who paid, but it did throw up a huge red flag for me. If this guy panicked over who paid for dinner – how would he be in a real “situation”? What if later on down the line, we were hit with a real crisis, how would he respond?

Basically what this “situation” told me is that I don’t want this guy in my foxhole.

So we leave the restaurant, and I was glad I planted the seed earlier about being too tired for the movie, because I took this opportunity to politely reschedule. I offered to take him home since he had walked, and he was about a mile a way. Once we pulled up to his house, we hugged in the car, and he kissed me on the cheek. I told him “see you again soon” and just left it at that.

It’s probably pretty clear to you all that I was thinking I didn’t really want another date with this guy. But I guess the feeling was mutual, because neither of us have texted each other since.


Should I rethink offering to pay the bill?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Date #3 – BX’s second date – “Love is a Battlefield”

After the wine date with BX, the next week he texted me and asked me if I had plans on Friday or Saturday. I told him that I was available on Saturday and he texted me back “do you have 80’s clothes?” Hmmm – intriguing. My response was important. If I jumped back and said yes too quickly, would he think I was weird for having 80’s clothes so readily available? If I said no, would he not let me in on something cool that was happening? So I settled on the response “I’m sure I could find something” – how very elusive of me, right? He shot back a text to me saying “then prepare for an 80’s party!” With further back and forth, I learned that it was an 80’s themed house party celebrating his friend’s birthday. I guess I could be down for that, I was thinking to myself – I mean who am I to turn down a good “theme” party?

So Saturday rolled around, and I was still recovering from my Friday night thanks to Cat’s Black, White, and Bling Bash – see, I told you I can’t turn down a theme party. On my way home from the South Bay I start to evaluate what I was actually going to wear to this thing. Do I go all out? I mean this is only a second date and I could still very easily scare this guy off. I didn’t know him or his friends at all – so how much do they actually “get into” a theme? The other factor weighing in on decision is that I still wanted to look somewhat like myself since this was a date – i.e. no wigs were in my future. So with all those things in mind, I decided I would do a jean skirt (something I owned), hot pink fishnets (something I needed to buy), and then some kind of top. I stopped off at a mall on my way home and picked up some pink fishnets and also scored an awesome white belt with pink studs – this outfit was really coming together. I regret to inform you loyal readers that I did not take any photos of the finished outfit…I apologize – I will be more diligent about these pertinent blog materials in the future. However, here is a glimpse at what the outfit looked like…

Pink Fishnets + jean skirt + off the shoulder top + white and pink studded belt = 80’s magic.

+ + +


BX called me and confirmed he would pick me up at 8. He showed up right on time, and I pranced down nervously in my 80’s get-up. He was parked outside of my apartment sitting in his jeep-like suv, and he had the passenger side window rolled down.
“Woooowwwww” he said from the car with a grin. I did a twirl and admitted that I clearly can get into themes. As I got in the car, I evaluated his outfit. He had ripped jeans and a fraternity shirt – he claimed to be a fraternity guy from the 80’s. Not the most ingenious outfit I had ever seen, but hey, mine wasn’t top of the line either.

So we take the short 5-minute drive to his friend’s place. We parked and were walking up to the apartment when BX ran into his friend and date. He hollered out his last name as we crossed the street. I thought “does he call everyone by their last names or is this his 80’s “fraternity” persona that he is embracing?” He introduced me to his friend, tells me that they have worked together, and then we all headed in.

We walked inside about 10 minutes after 8pm, and there were 4 girls in awesome 80’s outfits, feverishly still setting up. We were the first ones there…great. I was definitely out of my comfort zone. Not only was I on a second date, and not only was I at a party where I knew NO-ONE, but now I was the “uncomfortable first guest.” Now if you are going to a close friend’s or family member’s party, being the first guest is not that weird, but being at a party where you don’t really know the people and you are first….well, that is just uncomfortable. And from the other perspective, as I have hosted several events, it sucks when people start arriving, but you are still behind on the set-up and are just not ready for people to be there.

BX started pointing out girls and telling me their names, and labeling one girl as his “BFF.”
All night he called her “BFF,” not her actual name – is that strange?
Anyways, after the quick roll call, BX opened the bottle of wine he brought – yes, a bottle of white wine – and poured us two glasses. Right after we got our drinks, the main hostess asked BX “could we convince you to run to the store and grab some ice?” BX of course agreed, and I expected him to turn to me and say “let’s go,” but instead he handed me his drink and said, “I’ll be right back.”
WHAT???!!! I wanted to respond, “Oh no, I coming with you!” but before my mouth could even open, he was already out the door. AGGGHHHH! Now not only am I the weird girl at the party that nobody knows, but I’ve been ditched by my date and I’m all alone! And in pink fishnets! *Sigh*

I wander around the apartment looking at all the décor they put up. They did a really cute job decorating – set out a bunch of 80’s movies, had a table of retro candy, and hung a poster with all the 80’s cartoons. Wait? What are you doing? You are now the creepy girl that is not talking to anyone, walking around looking at decorations trying to look busy. Deep breath, get it together, and go talk to someone like a normal human being!

I spot out the “last name guy” and his date – at least I had been introduced to him, so I head his way. I start making conversation asking him about the work he and BX had done together. He told me that they had worked together in North Carolina, and now they are technically competitors out here in LA. I asked questions and tried to stay very engaged in the conversation. Then it happened. He asked THE question.

“So how do you know BX?”

Oh shoot! We hadn’t talked about this. Did his friends know he was on Match.com? Was I supposed to lie? What was the response he wanted me to say? We really should have discussed and had a plan going into this date. Then I cleverly dodged it by replying “Well, we are on our second date…how about that?”

Oh man, I am so smart…a genius really. What a save! The award for cleverness of the night goes to…
But in the middle of me congratulating myself, I’m stopped in my tracks by another question.

“So where did you guys meet?”

DARN IT! Check mate. Guess I have to give back that cleverness award. I could feel myself get visibly nervous. A lot of people are shy about the whole “online dating” thing , but I was cornered – what do I say??! “Last name guy” must have seen me sweating, and I paused for at least a good 15 seconds, although it felt like an eternity.

I shrugged, and blurted out “Match.com.”

Oh well, I’m a horrible liar – it’s a virtue really, right? And that’s what BX gets for leaving me to get ice anyways. Don’t leave an anxious date in a room full of inquiring minds – she is bound to go rouge.

So after about a billion years, BX returns with two bags of ice…”Finally” I thought!

I never told him about the Spanish Inquiry I received from the “last name guy.” I had already been embarrassed enough; I was ready to just have a good time. Finally the food was ready and the drinks started flowing – that always makes a party more enjoyable. And after a while I was able to settle down, find my grove, and have an enjoyable time. We stayed for several hours – conversing, hanging out, etc. BX and I had some cute flirtatious moments – him putting his hand on the small of my back, catching each other’s eyes from across the room and smiling, and all that cheesy stuff.

Finally around midnight he looked at me and said that he was ready to go when I was…and I definitely was. So we took off and he drove me home. He pulled up outside of my apartment, we hugged goodbye in the car and I got out of the car.
No kiss…no awkward goodbye…all good.


But I do have a question for you all. Is it old fashion for a guy to walk a girl to the door? I mean its not like he was dropping me off a mile away from my apartment, but I kind of wished he had walked me up my steps and to my door. Maybe it would have been an awkward goodbye, but I like the chivalry. Thoughts?

Monday, February 15, 2010

Date #2 – Good Night, no really, Good Night.

With one date under my belt, I’m feeling braver, and I’m ready to get this thing really cooking. Back to the Match.com site to search for another prospect. I log on and have an e-mail from a gentleman that seems pretty normal (I believe he may have been a response to my first mass “wink” expedition where I roped in my first date). This guy we will call A.S. (see note below). So, A.S. and I exchange a few e-mails back and forth. I remember he titled his first e-mail “2 overachievers.” That was intriguing to me – what do 2 overachievers together equal? Are they compatible or not? Guess I’m about to find out….

So after our e-mail correspondence, we decide to meet up one night for drinks. He suggests a nearby bar – No Bar. Again this is in my neighborhood, North Hollywood, and he lives close as well. I had driven by the outside of this bar for years, but never been in.


As I was pulling up, he texted me that he was there – I let him know that I was parking and walking in. As I approached the outside door, I saw a guy that looked like the Match.com pictures, so I knew that must be A.S. I greeted him outside with a hug and hello and he lead me through the main door to the bar. The inside was very dark and hip – there was the main room with the bar, a side room with benches lining the wall and little cubes to sit on, and a third room with a pool table. As we walked up to the bar, I noticed he had already ordered a drink. He asked me what I would like. I paused, with a verbal “hmmmmm” as I was looking around for a drink menu. The first drink order is very important – it can set the tone for the night, and on a first date it can tell the guy what type of girl you are. “Well, what are you having?” I inquired. He looked down at his tall reddish drink and then looked back at me. He stumbled on his words as he tried to get them out “well, umm…I hope this doesn’t offend you…but I’m not drinking tonight. I have several auditions tomorrow”

What?! No, I’m not upset about him not drinking, but Another actor? Really LA? Is there anyone in this city that is NOT an actor?

“Oh no worries” I replied “but I hope you don’t mind that I do.” We both let out a laugh, and I ordered a Grey Goose and Tonic from the bartender (my go-to drink).
After we had our cocktails in hand, we found a spot to sit down in the bench room – at the only table that was not taken.

We sat and started the normal first date small talk – “so what is it that you do?” He seemed very interested in my job – I think we spent at least 30 minutes with him asking endless questions about my job – to the point where I thought for sure he was about to pitch me a TV show idea. Right when I was about to pipe up and try to change the subject, he must have notice my conversation fatigue and actually apologized for grilling me. “Sorry I have so many questions about your job, I just find it so interesting.” Okay, apology got him off the hook – moving on now.

So what does he do? Well, once again I was duped by the Match.com profile. Online he says that he is a writer/producer for digital shorts. Translation – he has his own youtube channel, and creates comedy sketches. But he is also and actor and waiter. Yup, another person perpetuating the LA stereotype. I remind myself mentally not to get hung up on this. And really I can respect the ambition of trying to make something happen in Hollywood. So we chitchat more about life – where we are from, siblings, and football (that seems to be a recurring subject – guess its my picture on Match.com in the Vince Young jersey).

After a few hours of conversation (and only one drink – btw, I wanted another one, but we weren’t sitting at the bar, and there never seemed to be a good time to get up), we decided to call it a night. We walk out of the bar, and he starts to walk me to my car.
Now to tell the next part of this story, I will need the help of my visual aides for you to get the full effect. Here is the bar in relation to my car:


Okay, so we exit the bar, and as you can see from the picture above, I had parked on the street, but on the other side. A.S. being a gentleman, indicates that he will walk me to my car. So we cross the street, walk up the sidewalk, and stand next to my car (near my passenger side door). It is there that we say good night – I wish him luck on his auditions tomorrow, we hug, and then head our separate ways.

Or so I thought…As I cross in front of my car and open up my driver-side door, I look back and he is standing there, in the road at my driver-side door. He starts to talk again, but he is visibly nervous and mostly looks at his feet, not me.

“I…Uh…had a really good time tonight” he says.

“Yeah me too” I replied…but really I’m thinking “please don’t let us get hit by a car.”

“So…I was wondering…uh…if you would like to…uh…do it again sometime” he continued

“Sure thing, you have my number, so just give me a call”

“Well, how about…uh this uh…this Friday?”

“Hmmm” I said with a pause as I mentally was trying to pull up my calendar. But before I could respond, he broke in.

“Oh, well you don’t have to commit right now if you don’t want to…I mean, it’s fine…whatever”

Feeling the need to comfort his insecurity, I responded “No that’s not it. I was just trying to think if I had any prior commitments. But Friday will be just fine.” To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was free or not, but I just wanted to get out of the middle of the road and go home by this point.

“Okay, cool – do you like movies?”

What? Is he really still having a conversation with me?


“Uh, yeah of course.” I replied

And then he continues to ramble aimlessly “I mean movies aren't the most social event to do, but we could do something social before or after…or both. Like dinner or drinks or whatever.”

I cut him off a little “yeah, that sounds great – I’m up for whatever.”

“Okay great, see you then.” He says. He pauses and then finally turns to cross the street.


Scene of the crime:

Phew that was awkward. I jump in my car and giggle to myself a little. I felt bad for him – I could feel how hard and nerve-racking that was to ask me out on a second date. And as awkward as it was for me, I give him credit for trying to lock in a second date. As I mentioned, he was very uncomfortable and could barely make eye contact, but for now I will think of this as endearing – I mean, it must mean that he likes me if I make him so nervous, right?

So I think to myself as I drive home, I will give this guy another date – well actually I already committed it to it, right? But the funniest part about this whole story is that the next day I get a text from A.S. saying “Hey Nicole, great meeting you last night. I actually do have plans on Friday but I’d love to go out with you again. “

What??!! Are you serious? Why did we have to have the awkward road conversation then? And weren’t you the one that suggested Friday?

Boys!


Side note on the guys’ names: I’m still navigating these new waters of blogging, and I hadn’t really figured out how I would handle all matters concerning these guys. Instead of using their names, I will give them some sort of initials – and no it won’t be there first and last initial – truth be told, I rarely know their last names even after a first date. I have changed my first date’s name to the initials BX, so that is how he will be referred to from here on out. And the second date with BX will be the next entry, so stay tuned. I‘m also still contemplating if and when I tell these guys about the blog. If its just one date, then there is probably no need, but if I start going on several dates with a guy, is it untruthful for me not to tell him that I’m blogging about my experiences? Not a bridge I have to cross just yet, but feel free to give me your advice.

Thank guys!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Date Numero Uno…Let’s get this party started

Before I get to the juicy details of the first date, a few things you should know about this blog/process…

#1. A few people have asked me – “what happens if you find someone you like on one of the first few dates?” Well, as I was contemplating taking this journey, I decided early on that it wouldn’t be 50 “First” dates, but just 50 dates. That way it gives me the flexibility to have second dates with guys that I actually like/connect with. It’s more realistic that way, and furthermore I don’t want to treat these men as guinea pigs or just part of an “experiment.” In the unlikely event that I meet my soul mate on date #8, then I guess this blog will become about the journey of going on dates with this new guy. However, given my track record over the past 10 years, I think you guys can rest easy that it is much more likely that you’ll be reading about funny first-ish dates, rather than the sappy story of me falling in love. I will keep an open mind though to evolving the blog as my experience progresses.

#2. Not to be captain obvious, but well…it’s February, so I have already lost a month to 2010. But I actually started my dates a few weeks ago, so I’ll be catching up with entries on those experiences (starting with the first one today!). Once I’m caught up, I hope that this process will become more of a “real time” blog with probably 1 entry per week. But over the next week you will be inundated with hilarious blog entries – don’t get to used to it though!

#3. The method I have been using thus far to find these available men has been Match.com. (Dear Internet Gods – please keep me safe from any super scary weirdo guys, Amen). I have been contemplating also joining eHarmony – thought it might be fun to have a comparison on what type of dates I get from each. I’m also up for any other methods, so please send me your suggestions, hot single neighbors, etc. my way.

With out further ado…on to the first DATE!

One late night in January I started perusing ole Match.com. For those of you unfamiliar with this dating smorgasbord website, allow me to let you in on some of its finer points. You can do a “search” for potential matches narrowing down through a range of preferences – categories like where they live, physical features, political views, desire to have kids, and even exercise habits. Once you look at peoples profiles if you are interested you can either “wink” at them or “e-mail” them. I usually go for the “wink” – this effortless option somehow makes me feel better about technically making the first move.

Anyways, I threw a bunch of winks out there and BXwas one of the guys I winked at. He e-mailed the next day letting me know he was interested – enticing me with the fact that he was a Titans fan…how could I really say no? We had a few e-mail exchanges, and then decided to meet. We settled on a little place called Eclectic Café. I had never been, but it was very close to where I live (we both live in the same neighborhood). We decided to meet at 9pm. I rushed to get out work on time and ran to my house to change clothes quickly. I tried on a dress, and then tried on a jeans and a top…torn. I sent my sister a picture, but I was running out of time (less than 10 minutes to get there) so before she had time to get back to me, I made a snap decision on the jeans and top. I didn’t want to look like I was trying to hard. My sister wrote me back with encouragement, ensuring me that my top and jeans choice was cute too. I quickly touched up the make-up and ran out the door. I think I didn’t have a chance to get nervous since I was so pressed for time.

As I was pulling up, I got a text from BX“red or white?” Perfect! Wine was just what I needed after a long day at work. “Red” I replied. “Can I guess Merlot” he wrote back? Hmmm, decision time. Merlot is probably my least favorite red, but I would still drink it. I didn’t want to seem high maintenance, so I replied that whatever he chose would be fine. Less than a minute later, I walked through the door of this cute wine bar and grille, and saw a lone, dark-haired man sitting at the bar.


I knew that was him. As I approached the bar he turned, saw me, and smiled. First hurdle down – he showed up and didn’t bolt out the door when he saw me. With an internal sigh, I sat at the bar stool next to him and we greeted each other. He handed me my glass of merlot and he was drinking a beer. We started with small talk – what do you do, where are you from, yada, yada. From the website, I knew that he owned a grip company that catered to Hollywood. But what I didn’t know and what found out during our discussion was that he was also an actor. *sigh* An “Actor”…great. I usually steer clear from actors in this town. Everyone is an actor…or should I say, everyone is a waiter/ wanna-be actor. Although I am technically in the TV industry, I just really don’t identify with those people chasing fame. However, I give him the benefit of the doubt – because he’s not just an actor, but he smartly owns his own business that pays the bills – so if he does a little acting and he enjoys it, who am I to judge? Maybe he does it for the art, and doesn’t care for fame.

I finish my glass of wine and instinctively pick up the menu to order another. This means either the conversation is comfortable enough that I wanted to stay or maybe I just love wine. As I am looking at the wine list, BX asks if I like white wine. Well, I’m not the biggest white wine lover, but it really is an honest statement to say that I can pretty much drink any wine. I tell him that red is my favorite, but I can drink white. He says that he loves white, and if I will drink it with him, we should just get a bottle…hmmm. White? Really? He is definitely a smooth talker, and in my continued first-date politeness campaign, I agree. I want to be agreeable…and its wine, so what’s there really to complain about. We also decide to order and appetizer – potstickers, yum.

The conversation continues – we talk about football and more small talk subjects. Before I know it, an hour has passed and we have gone through the bottle of wine (aprox 2 glasses each). He comments that I seem unaffected by the wine, whereas he is feeling very buzzed – uh oh. Is this a bad sign on a first date? He continues further and says “I bet you could drink me under the table.” Oh no, is he joking? What does that say about me? Oh boy. But really – he is a least a half a foot taller than me and probably has 40 or so pounds on me – is he really feeling tipsy? Maybe in future dates, I should limit myself to one glass.

After that, its time to go home. He lives in walking distance, so I guess I didn’t have to worry about the affects of the alcohol on him ☺. He walks me to my car, gives me a hug, and we say good bye. No awkward lean in for a kiss or anything – I was off scot-free, and I appreciated him not trying any slick moves.

So overall the first date was a success. Wine, conversation, and no super-awkward moments. I thought to myself on my way home – if he asks me out on another date, I would go. Sure enough he did, and the next one turned out to be WAY more interesting, but you will have to stay tuned to hear about that!
 
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